walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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