If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
