where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
