That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This house was built for laser tag.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
