At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
