I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah