You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.