did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?