last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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