Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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