we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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