a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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