it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
