you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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