3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
