My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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