I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
