she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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