I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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