apparently the secret to your success is patron
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Please don't give away my fajitas
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