A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
