all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize