You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
time to smoke my breakfast
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
