I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
