Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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