O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
