his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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