Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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