Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
