I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
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You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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