I wish I could teleport
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
