hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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