I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
