I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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