i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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