Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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