i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish I only lived at night.
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PANTIES FOUND
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
