I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so much tequila, so little girl.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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