i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
