We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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