Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
