The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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