onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
