He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
