your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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