Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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