Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
