Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
