it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
