Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
