i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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