I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
