im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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