I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
