atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
