Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
