Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
