i just wanna soil my oats bro
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
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I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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