k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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