i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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