my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
