i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
