Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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