i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
