I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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