Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
