so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
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Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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