If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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