girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
