I cockslap morals
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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