I'm jealous of your bromance
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
