Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
