In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
