I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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