OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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