you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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