I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
