how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
