Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
