Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
