Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
