I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
