i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
