I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
